What I want my daughters to know

 

I thought about you this morning. I prayed for you, too, Then I thought about some things that I want you to know about life.

Here is what I should have told you before the —drama, boys, comparisons, trust, embarrassment, pressure, and other tumultuous situations that are unavoidable while growing up


Explore. Don’t stay in one place, get out into the world and see the wonder in it. Even on the tallest mountaintop you cannot see the world. You must get out of your room, get away from the television and computers and walk in it. Walk on the mountains, and kick off your shoes and play in the rivers that are in the valleys.


Go to new places. Try new food. Try new ways to exercise. Hike through new places. Whatever is in front of you that is good, take joy in trying.
Take wisdom with you as you go; and, gain new wisdom as you experience life.


Don’t be afraid of mistakes. Mistakes are like dancing in the rain with an umbrella. You can protect yourself from some of the wet, but sooner or later you will get wet. But don’t let that keep you from dancing in the rain. There can be great joy in dancing in the rain.


Protect you skin. Wear sunscreen. Men become distinguished with wrinkles. Women must plan ahead for old age by caring for themselves early in life.


There will always be mean girls. Take care of your emotional health and do not become one of the mean girls

Your two or three closest friends are really the only friends that matter.


Talk to yourself often and to God. Talk to those you see on the street and listen more than you speak. Here is where wisdom can be gained.


Speak kindly to yourself. Your Self will always believe the worst before it believes the good. Practice telling your Self the good.

Practice believing the good about yourself.

There is a lot of bad in this broken world, but practice finding Good.
Say, “Thank you” often – to God, to people, to the birds who sing outside your window.

“Thank you” helps you to see the good.

Eat a little chocolate each day. It helps,
Don’t obsess about your weight. You’ve probably got my sweet tooth and ability to pack on the pounds, but you know when I got my skinniest? When I stopped being so extreme about what I allowed myself to eat. Try eating a chocolate chip cookie without pretending it’s your last. Then you are less likely to eat the whole box.

Don’t try to look like the women in the magazines. Try to live healthy by eating healthy food – Real food not packaged. At least once, eat peas right out of your garden with your bare feet in the tilled earth.

Never stop exercising every day

Love the way you look. Love your body, with thick legs, or extra thin legs – learn that you were created perfectly.


Wear sunscreen!!!! Don’t wait until you’re thirty-five to realize you should have been taking care of your skin all along.

Love the way you are.


Your body is your body. If you have to go to extremes to change it, it won’t last and it will just take you longer to learn to love it.
Learn that even the things you call imperfections or faults, God calls perfectly made. He made you exactly this way for a reason.


Everything happens for a reason. Even when bad happens.


If you are ever feeling lonely, call your sister. She comes from the same place and understands you better than anyone. If you want a shoulder to cry on or a person to brag to, call your mom. She wants to hear all news— good and bad.


Practice peace.

But, really, get from in front of the electronics and live.

Contrary to everything you previously thought, your mom is pretty cool.


I love you more than you know.

Reflection

 

My tears streamed down my face, desperately grasping at narratives to try and justify her absence from my entire life. Forgetting that I am now grown, I think for a moment that I can start again and give her everything she never gave me. Sometimes I wish that impossibility could be true. Then again, is it naïve to assume just because someone grew you in your womb that your presence would have a positive impact on your life? It started with a physically absent biological mother and ended with an emotionally absent soul. Both are broken in different ways, they are full of anger and sadness that flow from their neglected inner worlds, and in turn, they can only see their external world through half-empty glasses. Sometimes people can do bad things for good reasons and good things for bad reasons, and sometimes it’s both. But mostly, they are just lost in a kaleidoscope of emotion, unknowingly casting people around them under the same spell. The only way this can be lifted is by looking deep into the anger and pain while catching your own reflection. I like to think I can break this legacy of trauma by trying to understand my own demons so equally I can try and understand yours. The most healing thing is to try and see the mirror image in our emotional experiences because this allows room for empathy and forgiveness. I wish I could have seen myself reflected in the mirror of my mother’s sadness, but I didn’t.