You could see the anger has bottled up. She had a difficult childhood, with physical trauma and bullying, it is no wonder that she can't cope with life, unfortunately, the fallen life took over her mind, she is hardly in her body, just floating in a fog bubble, needing so badly all the time, the numbing of the drug injected into her body, the buzz the bliss of stillness, away from the trauma,,, she wanted to go to a secluded place, to be freed from the bondage of inner rage that has never been expressed. "The fortune teller told me that you just need to be a victim,” I make friends with kind older women hoping they’ll adopt me!
I think a covert narcissistic mother is about the most damaging narc experience. 1. You naturally never suspect it from your mum so you spend far more time making excuses for the treatment at your expense. 2. If it's subtle underhanded, silent treatment, passive aggressive you can't put a finger on it like you can with obvious verbal and physical abuse. So you go around for years, decades with subtle damage piling up inside you into a massive wreck (in some cases).
I struggled with self esteem and had people pleaser tendencies. Buried my feelings till I became emotionally illiterate for a while, prone to over-sensitivity and quick to anger - that anger that comes from a sense of powerlessness/impotence. Used to check with others if my feelings were correct
my mother was the abandoning type,
I know my truth but I am the only one who knows. It's very lonely. I have no family as she convinced everyone of my worthlessness. The pain never goes away.
Anonymous
and me
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